I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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