A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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