I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
