Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
