Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
