I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
