there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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