probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
