I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
