my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is my gift to your gina
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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