So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
