i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
