I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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