fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
