Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
