I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
