Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
