dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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