He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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