I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
