I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
