then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
