So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I sprained my soul last night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
