watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
