Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
