Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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