girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
