Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
