She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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