she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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