sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
