I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
where am i from again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
