If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
