bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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