Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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