well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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