Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
