I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's never too late to be topless.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
soo... how was my night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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