My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
