Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
