if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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