clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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