it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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