Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
