She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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