I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
