got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
