All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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