How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize