Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
