And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
