I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
