If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
