my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can I color on your dick again?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize