u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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