Just fell off a train. Bad.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
