Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
