I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
