Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
