He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
