i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
