Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
