Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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