I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
