and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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