I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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