Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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