dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
