the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
