I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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