your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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