I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
