the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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