He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
