Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
