Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
