Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
