They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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