Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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