Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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