Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
