party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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