We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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