I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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