he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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