Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Come on in and take your pants off
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