WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize