i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
