If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
