Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
