i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my being single is dangerous.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
